Here’s what I don’t get. Why, after all the work I have done and continue to do on myself, my past, my resentments, etc. do I still feel so hurt and unappreciated by the way some of Your other children treat me? I pray every morning to be what You want me to be. I seek Your guidance as I walk throughout each day, hoping You will show me what is required of me to carry Your message of Love that this world so desperately needs. Nevertheless, I hurt when someone speaks to me harshly or minimizes my feelings.
I understand that in order to Love others as You would have me love them, I need to be fully accepting of who they are right now at this very moment. I have no problem accepting that a person may be in a bad mood, have pent-up anger from not working on their own issues, or be dealing with something in their personal life that I could not possibly know about. What I don’t understand is why I allow a person who is in a bad mood, or angry, or dealing with personal life problems to disturb my heart as strongly as I sometimes do. Why do I allow their insults to penetrate my soul to the point of physical pain at times? My heart (chest) truly burns right now as I type these words. My head actually hurts from the tension that I have allowed into my being. Why, dear God, do I allow the behavior of another distress me so much?
As I re-read what I have just written, I recognize something that I’m sure You, God, already see (don’t You always?!). I keep asking You why “I allow” the behavior of another to upset me. Apparently, somewhere deep down inside of me, I still hold on to the idea that I have some sort of control over my emotional response to others. Somewhere deep down inside of me, I still think I don’t need You to change my heart, my mind and my soul. UGH!
I suppose at this point in this letter to You, I need to stop writing and simple pray the following:
Please, dear God,
relieve me of the burden of carrying everyone’s insults and opinions of me so close to my heart.
Allow me to receive what others give and say,
hold on to any and all truth within what I receive,
and release the rest to You.
Please help me to remember
that no matter what others think or say about me
You always love me
and accept me as I am
at any given moment
on any given day.
Thank You, God!
You are the most caring, truest lady I have ever known….love you….
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