I sat with Yeshua this morning.
For a very long time,
we were content
just to be
together,
quiet,
feeling the breath of God
on our faces
as it wafted over the shoreline.
Suddenly I heard my own voice,
breaking into the silence
without even thinking it through,
“Why does it always have to be so hard?”
Yeshua just smiled
and moved his bare feet
through the cool morning sand.
“I’m serious, Yeshua.
I want to know why it has to be so hard –
relationships,
being with people,
accepting them,
while still caring for myself.
Having an open mind and an open heart
yet still not falling for the deceit of man.
I’m trying, Yeshua,
everyday, I’m trying,
but sometimes it’s just so damn hard
that I want to give up.
I don’t understand.
Why does it always have to be so hard?”
When I finally stopped ranting,
Yeshua took my hand in both of his,
engulfing my flesh within his flesh.
He looked up at me and
smiled again:
“My dear one,
you are such a treasure to me.
I longed for these moments with you
before you even came to be.
For so long, all I could do was
wait,
and pray,
and love you from a distance.
Now,
as you let go of all the distractions of this world –
those that were obvious at first,
and as we grow closer,
those that have held you prisoner
in the deepness of your soul,
you have awakened to
the fullness of our love.
You have allowed the gifts
of grace and peace
that I have offered to you,
to rule over your heart.
You have even begun
to offer those same gifts
to your brothers and sisters,
even when they turn and run from you.
And through it all,
you come here each morning
to sit with me.
You fill
the longing of my heart
with your presence –
in silence
and
in prayer.
And each day,
each moment,
that you return to me
brings joy
that I could never fully explain
to you now.”
Yeshua smiled again and closed his eyes.
“But, Yeshua, why does it always have to be so hard?”
He opened his eyes and looked deep within my soul,
and sighing heavily, he asked me,
“Would you be here if it wasn’t?”