Dear God:
What’s with this detachment I’ve been feeling? Complete indifference. Apathy. I feel nothing, nothing at all. Not even my own heart beating in my chest. I breathe in and I know my lungs fill with precious and life-giving air, but I feel nothing. I pray and I know You are listening and responding, but I have no warmth, no tingle, no shiver down my spine. I am simply detached.
Visions of hatred and violence on television should make me cry. I have no tears. Poetry written for You that I read should move my emotions. I have no awe. The plight of my friends should cause me concern. I have no fear. I am simply detached.
I have spent a significant period of time trying to figure this out; trying to point to the moment when I started feeling detached. I cannot put my finger on it and I realize now that I cannot figure it out. Furthermore, if I can’t figure it out, I know I can’t fix it. So, I’m writing to You today to hand it over to You. I’ve mentioned it in prayer, but I don’t think You are hearing me. I need You to take this from me. I want to feel again. I know in telling You that I could be suddenly struck with debilitating heartache or overwhelming joy. I don’t care – I’ll take whatever You have for me – just so I can feel again.
Like the plea of George Baily on the bridge at the end of It’s A Wonderful Life: “I want to live again.”
Jessica
P.S. Thank You for allowing laughter to stay through this – without it, I don’t think I’d know I was actually breathing.
Jessica L. Morris 
Once again, I am awed by the honesty.
These thoughts I, too, have had. Especially in times of depression.
Absolute indifference. Absolute apathy.
We are not alone.
And having felt these things allows me to relate to others who have felt or are feeling them. It let’s me connect, as I did to your post today.
Having felt them will make the return of feeling that much fuller as well.
Like the first spring breeze after dead of winter, or seeing vibrant color after only knowing black and white♡
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As we all know, that feeling of separation, distance, apathy are all part of life’s journey. “I” cannot fix it. All I can do is keep doing what I know is the right thing despite my feelings or non-feelings, believing that “God” is with me all the time, carrying us in our feeling of being lost.
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