Sometimes I don’t believe it. The promises You have made sometimes seem like they are for someone other than me. Sometimes I can’t see it. The path You have laid before me is sometimes foggy and overgrown with weeds. Sometimes I don’t know it. The plan You have created to use me sometimes seems like a distant dream.
What do I do then, God? What do I do in those sometimes? When my faith is waning and my anxiety is mounting; what do I do with my heart when it cowers under doubt? Where do I turn to find the answer – when I feel like You are holding back?
Why do You hold back, God? Why the silence that hardens the spirit in my soul? Where have You gone when I sit in wait? Where are You hiding as I anticipate nothing?
I know where You are; where You have promised to always be. I know You are by my side; with the wings of angels protecting me. I know You are there, so why don’t I believe? I know You’re my guide, so why can’t I see? I know You will use me, so why can’t I dream?
To tell You these things, God, I know I disappoint. To share my doubt so clearly, God, I know I let You down. But, I hope you know, God, that in it all – the questions, the doubt, the fog, and Your silence – I still know You are there, knowing me. And, in knowing that You know me, I am blessed. I am still confused and sometimes perplexed; but most of all blessed.