“Molly refrained from praying for mercy because her faith had been sullied by primitive superstition: She feared that perverse fate would deny her what she asked for, and give her only what she did not request.”
– The Taking, pg. 88, by Dean Koontz

This quote served as a catalyst to so much newness in my life. When I read it, I was five years clean of my addictions and knee-deep in a therapeutic process that is essential for someone like me to change, to grow, and to live a life free of fear, dishonesty, and self-centeredness. Part of that process was to point at the messages of my past that were no longer serving me. The “primitive superstition” noted in the quote above was one of those messages.

Five years prior, when I showed up at the doors of recovery from addiction, the only God I knew to pray to was one that existed to punish me. I honestly believed that my life, up until that point, was one massive go-stand-in-the-corner moment. Nothing I ever wanted happened. I especially believed that if I even thought of something that I would enjoy, it was already too late for it to happen – because in the thinking of it, God knew I wanted it and would therefore keep it from me. I didn’t believe that anyone else in the world ever felt that way.

And then I read The Taking, by Dean Koontz; and on page 88, everything changed.

The next morning, I wrote a letter to Dean Koontz to tell him how much that line affected me. And, to thank him for writing it. In the simple recognition that someone else out there in the world understood exactly how I had been feeling about God for my entire life, I felt a weight lifted. I dropped the letter in the mail, and went about my life. Part of which was to take the quote to my counselor and get really honest about this idea I had always had about God.

About two weeks later, I received a hand-written reply from Mr. Koontz. In that note, were words that warmed my heart with additional recognition and unity. This man, who knew me not at all, shared in a few sentences exactly what I needed at that moment in my life. He recommended a book by C.S. Lewis, and he thanked me for reaching out. To say that I was overwhelmed by his response is a colossal understatement.

Of course, my next course of action was to buy the C.S. Lewis book and read it. And that’s where the newness set in. Through the words of C.S. Lewis, and after him, so many others, I have come to know God for who He really is. I have realized that the “primitive superstition” and “perverse fate” that I once believed in were simply messages from my childhood that no longer served me. Not only did I begin to trust God and go to Him, but something inside of me allowed the veil of deceit to be removed. I could now see all the ways God had protected me, guided me, saved me, and loved me. I no longer focused on what I did not get that I wanted. My focus changed to seeing that everything I ever needed was provided.

Today, that letter from Dean Koontz is framed and placed where it is the first thing I see when I walk into my Quiet Room each morning to pray. It serves to remind me that God’s messages are everywhere around me. And, when I am touched by those messages, if I reach out to say a simple “Thank You,” I just might be flooded by a tidal wave of healing and growth.