One of my favorite songs is “Without You,” by Jeremy Camp. He sings the song to God and the message is that no matter what, he will not make a move in his life without God. This is the kind of song I would have “pish-poshed” in the past. First, I never enjoyed listening to Christian music. Second, I lived a long time believing the lie that “I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.” Third, and probably the most telling about me, I was terrified to give up control of my future to a God I could not see. Even today, as I write this, I am amazed that I love this song and the idea of it.

What has occurred in my life to make this song go from “pish-posh” in my mind to joyful singing in my heart? The only thing I can point to is that somewhere along the way – sometime after I surrendered my addictive behaviors to God – something happened inside of me. A trust built and a faith grew from it. I became a vessel for God instead of Pulitzer Prize winner awaiting discovery. My desire to learn and understand God’s word trumped my desire for fame and recognition. Somewhere along the way, a yearning to know and follow God’s will in my life took precedence over everything else.

It has been a refreshing change. And, sometimes it is still distressing.

What if God wants me to drop everything and travel to some third-world country to carry His message? Or, worse yet, what if God wants me to stay in the job I’m in now for the rest of my life to carry His message here? YIKES! If I think about it too much or continue to entertain these types of questions, I have no doubt that I will return to my old self. I will run back to the insanity of trying to live my life without God. Honestly, no matter how terrifying God’s will may be for me, the insanity of going back to living without Him is so much worse!

For today, I will pray for God’s will in my life. For today, I hope to be accepting and unquestioning about what He may have in store for me. For today, I will ask that my fear of His will be replaced with a grace to receive it all – no matter what that may look like. For today, I offer my life, my future, my all to my Great Creator. For today…