“Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s way.”
– Romans 14:13 (NIV)

I never thought I was a judgmental person until I found my way to recovery from my addictions. One of the most important tools of recovery is self-honesty; and anyone who has ever experienced taking an honest personal inventory knows how difficult that is. As I dug into my past and looked at all the instances when I had done or said something to hurt others, I recognized the enormous capacity I had for harshly judging the way other people lived their lives. It was a rude awakening.

Friends in recovery and counselors who helped me to overcome the issues of my past pointed out to me that judging others was actually a survival skill I had picked up along the way of my diseased living. In order to feel okay about myself and what I was doing – or not doing – in my life, I became skilled at pointing out the deficiencies in the lives of the people around me. Sometimes I shared my judgments out loud, but more often than not, these judgments lived in the conference room of my mind, with what I like to call the “itty-bitty-shitty-committee.” Through these judgments, I was able to think of myself as significantly better than others, which enabled me to stay true to the diseased thinking of my addiction.

Because of the guidance I have received in my recovery program, I am grateful to report that today I am able to refrain from judging others, on most occasions. When I do feel judgmental now, it doesn’t give me the same “rush” that it did when I was living in my addiction. Now, it just feels icky. When it happens today, I pray for it to be removed, and I usually call a friend to talk it through. While my disease of addiction would prefer that I sit with the icky-ness (so that I will feel the need to numb that feeling with food or booze), the recovery side of me knows that marinating in any feeling for too long by myself is dangerous. I need to be honest, ask for help, and pray for the willingness to change.

Just before this verse in Paul’s letter to the church in Rome, he states: “So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God.” (Romans 14:12) That may be a scary statement to some people – in fact in my pre-recovery days, it would have rendered me terrified! However, it actually serves as a comfort to me today. I can leave all judgment of others to God; because there will be a day when all of us will stand before Him to give an account of ourselves. In the time that is freed up because I am not judging others, I can continue to look at myself and honestly review my daily life. To do this, I usually ask myself some simple questions as I go about my business each day:

1. What have I done to help others today?
2. What was I grateful for today?
3. How have my words or deeds harmed anyone today?
4. What can I do tomorrow to be more compassionate and helpful to others?

Instead of judging others, I put the judging glasses on my own thoughts and behaviors. Instead of judging others, I trust that because of God’s plan for them, they are exactly where they need to be for today. Instead of judging others, I pray to see where I can be of use to them. Instead of being a “stumbling block” or an “obstacle,” I can be a messenger of hope.