Relief and emptiness – 

an emptiness so massive

and filled with so much 

nothingness!

And I can do nothing

to fill it,

to color it in,

to provide comfort within its walls.

I only sit in it now – 

this nothingness

not knowing anything 

what to do or say

or how to be – 

there is 

no 

next 

move

or plan

or task

to show I am 

striving

and trying

and worthy.

There is only me

and 

this vast expanse of 

nothingness – 

no dreams

or awards,

no knowledge

no score – 

only me

completely and utterly naked

in a nothingness

I have never known!

I cannot hide in corners

for the walls stretch out forever – 

as far as I walk, they go! 

It’s just me

with no gifts to offer

no strivings to stir – 

just me

and my heart, my soul, and my empty mind…

…wondering why it took me so long to get here.



*With thanks for Ann Voskamp’s writing on 1 Kings 18:18-24 (The Greatest Gift: Unwrapping the Full Love Story of Christmas, pp. 147-152)