Dear God:

The desires of my heart are yours. I know this. I know you know what they are. Actually, I believe they are there because of my yearning to be closer to you. So, why do they feel so distant, so far away, so never-in-this-lifetime-available?

It all seems so unfair, as I look around at the lives of others. Yet as I write those words, gratitude for your blessings pours into my heart. How could I possibly look at life as unfair when you have provided for all my needs, relieved me of the constant insanity of addiction, blessed me with community everywhere I turn? How could I possibly look at life as unfair with all that? Yet, in my honest admission, I do look at life as unfair sometimes – and this is one of those times.

I wonder when the desires of my heart – that which I believe you have given me – will be fulfilled. I wonder if my response to your call is what you want. I wonder if your grace will lift me up out of this place of doubt and fear and selfishness.

Ah, selfishness – there it is! “Selfishness – self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.”* Oh, how well I know that! And, still I waste time sitting in wonder about when the desires of my heart will be fulfilled!

Be patient with me, God.
I know you’re not done with me yet – and I believe in your plans for me, whatever they may be.
Now, I simply ask that you relieve me of this selfishness, this impatience, this place of self-pity in which I marinate.
Grant me instead trust, willingness and surrender.
These are the places where I find the most peace.
For, these are the places where I lean into you.

Thank you, God, for loving me – even when I’m throwing this type of temper tantrum.
By your love, I am learning to love others – and myself.
For that, I am forever grateful.

*Alcoholics Anonymous (aka: “The Big Book”), pg. 62