“Love builds up, it strengthens and affirms, and it never loses sight of another person’s dignity.”
– Paul J. Wadell
(Happiness & the Christian Moral Life, pg. 227)

After reading this sentence, I stopped and wondered how often the term “love” is used incorrectly in today’s world. In my Christian Ethics class this past semester, we have been learning all about love – the types of love, the relationships that go with each type of love, etc. In all of those love types, there isn’t one where the person who loves another also controls, manipulates, uses or harms the other. But, flip the channels on your TV’s remote or read a popular romance novel and what you find is often the opposite of what is described in the statement above.

Sadly, many people today believe that their obsession for another is actually love. They believe that if they can only convince the other of their love through manipulative and controlling behaviors, they can then be happy together. They end up using other people to get who/what they want and the harm to others is often deep and sometimes irreparable.

For me, it has only been through loving others the way Jesus loved that I have truly experienced freedom, and therefore, happiness in my life. Yes, it is a tall order to love as Jesus loved, and I certainly cannot do it all the time or perfectly. But, what I can do is try. I can offer my heart in acceptance and compassion to others. I can do for others even when – especially when – they do not do for me. I can pray for those who have harmed me and ask Jesus to change the way my heart feels about them. And, I can let go of thinking that the reason I do for others is because I want them to do for me. Because when I look at my life and the most joyful moments I have ever experienced, love has only been felt when I have stepped outside of my own self-centeredness and given to another without any thought in mind other than his or her well-being.

Please do not misinterpret what I am saying here. I am not suggesting that we all become doormats for others to wipe their feet on. What I am suggesting is that as we walk through our days, we do as Dr. Wadell suggests: we build others up, we strengthen others, we affirm the humanity of others, and we treat all others with dignity. That is the kind of loving that allows me to maintain my own dignity, and contributes a tiny bit of peace to the community in which I live. I don’t know about you, but I think we are all worth the effort!