“I went down to the land whose bars closed upon me forever;
yet you brought up my life from the Pit,
O Lord my God.”
Jonah 2:6 (NRSV)

There is no place you can go where God cannot find you. Whether the belly of a whale or the filthy floors of barroom bathrooms, He will come to you with mercy. He will come to you and rescue you from the disgrace, the shame, the guilt or the mess. I write these words with confidence, as my own experience illustrates beautifully the absolute mercy of my Lord and Savior.

At the age of 29, I was somewhere around 150 pounds overweight and obliviously drunk on most days. I had pushed just about everyone who loved me away. I was over $20,000 in debt and about three or four months behind in rent payments. I had a job, but was barely holding on to it. I thought I hated the world and I thought I hated God, but what I really hated was myself. It was during that dark time that the honesty of a sister who loved me too much to continue watching me kill myself with food and booze brought to my knees. Like Jonah in the belly of that whale, “I called to the Lord out of my distress, and he answered me” (Jonah 2:2). God opened my ears to the stern suggestion of a counselor I respected, and He awakened a tiny spark inside of me that made me want to live again.

Through the remarkable gift of willingness, I asked for help. Because of God’s enormous grace, He continued to find me over and over again as I rode the rollercoaster of early recovery from addiction. In the dark corners of my mind, He found me. In the shame of my childhood, He found me. In the loneliness of my empty heart, He found me. In each instance, God did for me what I could not do for myself – He made the whale “spew” me “out upon the dry land” (Jonah 2:10). He gave me the light of hope in the darkness through the example of others living happily in recovery. He showed me how to confront the shame I felt through the guidance of those He had blessed with the gifts of counseling and spiritual direction. He filled my heart with a Love I never knew existed.

There is no way for me to fully explain the miracle of my relationship with God today. The changes that have occurred in my heart, my mind and my soul since that 29-year-old girl walked into her first meeting filled with other recovering addicts are the only way I can show His Love for me. How I feel, how I see, how I hear, and how I grow. How I love, how I live, how I serve, and how I learn. He guides my every step, and He dries my every tear. He gives me all I need, every minute of every day.

I wandered into the messy life of addiction whose end appeared bleak;
yet You rescued me from the talons of that Monster,
O Lord my God!