Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”
John 20:29 (NIV)

As the disciples gathered together with the resurrected Jesus, they were overwhelmed with joy. Well, most of them were. Then there was “doubting Thomas” who stated: “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.” (John 20:25) In his mind, Thomas could not reconcile what had happened. Even though Jesus had predicted he would rise again (the same Jesus who performed miracles right before his eyes), Thomas still did not believe. He needed proof. He needed to touch the scars and see with his own eyes the Messiah standing before him. And, because Jesus is who he is, he welcomed Thomas to touch his scars and then without condescension or judgment, simply told him to “Stop doubting and believe.” (John 20:27)

Looking back on this passage in John, many of us may think ourselves somewhat superior to Thomas. We have a clear advantage over him – we know the end (or beginning) of the story. We know how it all turns out and we are shocked that Thomas, one of the twelve disciples who was privy to the living and breathing Jesus, could have ever doubted Him. From where we stand, it seems ridiculous that any of the disciples could have doubted. But, when we think it through for a moment, we remember Judas, who betrayed Jesus; and Peter, who denied Jesus; and all the rest who ran from Jesus’s side as He was being arrested. The lack of belief didn’t only sit with Thomas. It sat within them all.

There was a time in my life when this scene (and the others where the disciples behaved so despicably) sat in my gut like a lead balloon. I was horrified that my Lord and Savior had been abandoned by His closest friends. I was disgusted that someone like Thomas wouldn’t believe after everything they had been through together. Today, I don’t feel horrified or disgusted by these scenes at all. I feel comforted and humbled by them. These guys – who followed Jesus throughout His ministry here on earth, listened to Him teach, and watched Him walk on water – these guys doubted Him. In all their humanness, they turned their backs on Him when He was alive, and they needed proof when He was raised from the dead. I get it. Like those guys, sometimes I cry out for proof. Sometimes I want to see it all before me. Sometimes I don’t want to rely on faith.

When I am sitting in impatience, I want answers. Instead, I need to pray. When I am doubting God’s love for me, I want proof. Instead, I need to pray. When I am worrying about all the “what ifs” in my life, I want guarantees that all will be well. Instead, I need to pray. In prayer, I go to Jesus and lay all my impatience, doubt, and worry at His feet because I know He will take care of all of it. I know this not because I have seen Him and touched His scars, but because I believe in Him and the power of His Word.

I am blessed with faith, but I am also human. Whenever I doubt, it is a sign for me to go to Jesus in prayer.