Does anyone ever show up on time – or better yet, early – for anything anymore?!

I don’t want my blog posts to be about me complaining about things, but this one has really been annoying me lately. What is it with people showing up late to EVERYTHING these days? I understand that on occasion, stuff happens and people are unavoidably late for an event or meeting; but this seems to be a trend that is becoming unduly accepted in our society.

Over the last few years, I have noticed more than just a few unavoidably late people showing up for almost everything I have attended. Concerts. Comedians. Business meetings. Support-group meetings. Weddings. Sporting events. The list goes on. What is this about? I don’t know what other people think when someone walks into a meeting late or disrupts an entire row of people at a show because they are 30 minutes late, but what I think is: “Boy, that person is rude.” That’s right – I judge the person who is showing up late because I find lateness to be highly disturbing to others and self-centered to the max!

I speak from experience here – not in what I have seen others do, but from a time in my life when I was always the person who was showing up late. After I was recovering from my addictions for a few years, there was a part of my ego that told me I really didn’t need the beginning portion of recovery meetings as much as I used to. During that time, the meetings usually go over the same stuff as always, and since I attended so many meetings, I believed I was “beyond” that stuff. At one point, a good friend of mine in recovery asked me if I thought I was too important to show up early for the meetings anymore. I was stunned by her question. Didn’t she know how humbled I had been by my addictions? Didn’t she know that it wasn’t possible for me to think of myself as better than anyone else? Didn’t I know that that was exactly what was happening?!

As I picked my jaw up from the floor, my friend continued to share her thoughts with me. She asked me what I would have done, when I was brand new to recovery, if everyone with experience in the program didn’t show up until all that beginning stuff was done. She asked me what I would have done if no one was there when I showed up fifteen minutes early for my first meeting. She asked me if I would have stayed. I heard her loud and clear. I realized how rude I had been to the newcomer (and everyone else who had been on time for the meetings) by consistently coming in late. I wasn’t there to answer any questions before the meetings started – and no matter how quiet I tried to be, just opening the door after the meeting started was still a disruption. My lateness was showing others what I believed – that I was more important, more recovered, better than they were. When I really looked at my behavior, I was disgusted with myself.

As much as these types of learning moments are difficult to swallow, I am so grateful for them! I needed to have someone ask me those tough questions so that I could see how my “walk” was speaking to others. I realized then that when I am late for something, I am making a statement that says: “My time is more valuable than your time.” Today, I don’t want to make that statement because I simply don’t believe it.

There is nothing I can do about the lateness of other people – other than grit my teeth and try not to be openly irritated by it.  Furthermore, I know there are going to be times in the future when I am late for things. In fact, I was just late for a meeting this past Saturday because I didn’t know of an entrance change at the facility where the meeting was held. Those things happen, and when they do, I can forgive others, and I can forgive myself. It is when a pattern of lateness begins to seep into my routine that I need to stop myself and ask if what is happening is truly unavoidable, or if I am staying stuck in my self-centeredness. I may not like the answer, but if I want to keep improving as a person (and I do), I must be willing to ask the question!